This morning, we spoke of gratitude. She reminded me that in our humble beginnings, I used to be spiritual and was always full of thanks and gratitude. She asked "what happened to you now?". I avoided a direct answer. The truth is I've stopped practicing gratitude. Along the way, the beautiful heart has been consumed by negative energies - of bitterness, envy, frustrations, anger, jealousies, pride, ego, dishonesty and all you name it. I've tasted their fruits.
I told her as of today, I will start my gratitude practices again. But it is more to gratitude practices that I need. I actually need a paradigm shift in my life. Shift in what I do towards my goals and dreams. Emotional shifts. Shift in mindset and how I treat and deal with the important people in my life. It will be the beginning of a "rediscovery journey".
There are some things that are too complicated and sensitive that I can't ink them there. I do have deep fears, uncertainties and roots of anger and bitterness that I need to uproot. I've lost myself and I hope to rediscover myself and help myself become a better person. I got no one to talk to but thank God for this blog.
Who am I?
Where did I come from?
What is my purpose of existence?
What gifts and talents do I have that I'm not utilizing to bless humanity?
What are the underlying factors that destroys my relationships?
There are more questions I have than answers. I feel emotionally dehydrated like a dead cactus. My energies and have been evaporated. The Holy Scriptures says Faith, Hope and Love are the anchors of our lives, and the most important one of these is LOVE.
Today, I prayed for love, that divine love, to fill my heart. I uprooted all roots of bitterness, envy, jealousies, pride, ego and manipulative behaviors. I prayed for love to fill my heart. I declare I love myself. I can only love others if I love myself.
