Lately, there has been so much negativity in my life. I have no one to blame but myself for allowing negative emotions to take over my life to a point that it is out of control. Some of the victims of my negativity are people I love. Having negativity and emotional toxicity isn't a good state of being. It sucks life out of me.
Today, I said to myself that I really want to find a way out of negativity. I realize that my relationship being turmoil and negative situations arise because of a lack of gratitude. Yes, I agree that I haven't been grateful for many moons, a long period of time!
I haven't been grateful for the people and things I have in life. I have been taking them for granted and I think this is one of the causes of negativity. If I am truly grateful, value and appreciate the people and things in my life, I will always have many good things coming my way to be grateful for.
I remember my Facebook cover page - "He who has a merry heart has a continual feast" (Proverbs). Why am I not living by these?
Someone who loves and cares about me told me I have a poisonous, toxic black heart. Alas, how I long to turn that around. I declare that I have a beautiful, sweet and loving heart. I just have to start practicing and living by that (actions, not words).
Today my baby is sick. She's been vomiting and I am about to take her to the hospital. I declare, believe and thank YHWH for the perfect health of my baby. Thank you for the gift of life and health.
Taking things for granted results in complaining, negative thoughts and words. For the last month that I've been complaining, I have brought more things into my life to complain about. That poisoned the bloodstream of my emotions and the bitter toxic energy affected those around me.
I repent for complaining about politicians, issues at job, traffic, bills, cost of things, the economy, services provided by Government agencies and companies, a friend, family and complain about what ain't getting in a relationship based on unrealistic and unreasonable expectations.
It's impossible to be negative, angry and frustrated when I'm grateful and in a joyful mood. It is impossible to criticize, blame, say nasty things about others, feel sad or have negative feelings when I'm grateful. I take people and things for granted, disrespect them, manipulate them and mistreat them when I don't appreciate them, be grateful having known them and value them. I really want to turn things around!
No matter how bad things are, I'm gonna look for things to be grateful for in the negative situation. I shift through everything life throws at me daily and will pick out beautiful things which I will be grateful for.
I like this inspirational quote: "Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful" Buddha.
Right now, my relationship with Bubengu is in turmoil. I am reaping the harvest of my own weaknesses, failures, disrespect, dishonesty, unrealistic expectations, manipulative behaviors, taking people and things for granted and for being ungrateful.
I am gonna turn this situation around, get out of negativity, poison and toxic by identifying 10 things I'm grateful for:
1. I am so grateful to have had Hun being patient and forgiving with me during this period.
2. I am grateful that most of the relationships in my life are really good, including my relationship with Hun.
3. I am grateful for Hun who goes out of his way to love, care, protect and work for my good despite the challenges he has.
4. I am grateful that Hun isn't tough on me these days (and belt me bad) as he used to be in the past.
5. I'm grateful that Hun cares so much about me, because he wouldn't be tough, point out my weaknesses and deal with them head on with courage if he didn't care so much about me.
6. I am grateful that through my relationship with Hun, I have learned so much, my life has been peeled like an onion and I begin to realize attitudes and behaviors that need to be deal with.
7. I am grateful that Hun is mentoring and 'preparing' me to take on the very challenging things I want to attempt in life.
8. I'm very grateful when I get to laugh with Hun. Laughter is the best medicine and to have a humorous person to laugh with is a blessing.
9. I'm deeply grateful for Hun that despite my screw ups (and these are shamefully big issues), he assured me he will find a solution. I am so fortunate to have such a man.
10. I am so grateful that I have a man who tells so often that he loves me and cares about me. I value the flowers so much as he's the only guy who gives me flowers!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for the perfect resolution.
TODAY'S SELF CONTROL / DISCIPLINE EXERCISE
I will try my best to get through this one day without thoughts and words of complaints, arguments or anything negative.
And if I find myself going down that track, I will stop immediately and say: "But I have to say that I am really grateful for Hun.................."
Hooray! I did it. No negative word spoken today!
 |
| I give myself these beautiful flowers for making it! |