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| Source: Kejanny (c) Do not copy |
It's been more than a week since I last wrote to you through this online medium, which I also call my gratitude journal, a diary of my journey of cultivating gratitude.
Before I go any further, I am deeply grateful to be alive since 28 October 1974 to this very moment my fingers are typing these sentences onto my notebook keypad. Thank you!
I know you are curious to know where I disappeared to for one whole week. I disappeared into my "self" world, tangled by the cacoon of depression. It was you, gratitude, that bailed me out of the emotional and psychological jail of depression. I never spoke to anyone about this nor there was help but I knew the magical power of gratitude, giving thanks to God, in all situations and circumstances will help me overcome.
Only today, I discussed it with my doctor, Dr Mahlon Paiva, one of Papua New Guinea's best specialist doctor (Obstetrician & Gynaecologist), at the Paradise Private Hospital. It's been a month now I've had the total hysterectomy and the review today was good.
Premature Menopause
A month ago on the 22nd of March, 2013, at age 38 & 5 months to be exact, I had a total hysterectomy. Whatever that has been left of my previous two operations (1997 & 1998) for uterine fibroids were removed. I also developed ovarian cyst on the remaining ovary and it was removed, too. Pheew! I felt so empty afterwards, and I am still battling those feelings.
The doctor told me I will go into premature menopause. There are many reasons or causes of premature menopause and the main one being surgery, which is called surgical menopause. Dr Paiva told me that he tries his best to preserve the ovaries because they produce female hormones. For my case, the remaining ovary developed cyst so it was removed.
Depression Associated with Premature Menopause
Doctor did advised me about mood swings, hot flushes, vaginal dryness, depression and all those things associated with menopause. For a woman like me below the age of 40, the thought of having to live with the symptoms of menopause for more than 12 years or so more than the normal female is indeed very depressing.
When the realization of what I will have to live with finally settled in, I cried and cried. The pendulum of my mood swung from east to west, good to bad, while I sweat profusely both during the day and in the night. I got cranky over little things. I sent unprofessional emails, sent ungrateful texts. I was so depressed I lost sleep, lost my appetite, self-esteem was at the lowest and the thought of giving up on life came to mind. These all happened within the week I was in that evil cacoon.
I realized I don't have any ovaries to communicate with my brain and produce female hormones estrogen and progesterone. Many of body functions, including emotions, are controlled by these. I refused to go on Hormone Replacement Theraphy (HRT). This puts more weight on my depressed soul.
....But I came out of it within a week! I found my answers in The Magic.
The Power of Gratitude
I learnt something magical and powerful overcome depression. That is, to give thanks in all things. I used it for a month, since the hysterectomy and the premature menopause. When the depression hit me hard and I realized I was loosing ground, I went back through my gratitude practice and started applying what I learn to turn the situation around. It did work 100%!
Studies have shown that cultivating gratitude is a powerful way to overcome depression. I have experienced it myself, and I am so grateful for discovering this secret.
Study Showing Gratitude as an Anti-Depressant
Researchers at York University in Toronto conducted a research on 200 moderately depressed people. Over 7 days, half of the group listen daily to music designed to boost mood and the other half completed and online "gratitude exercise" every night in which they were to list "five things that happened during the day that they were grateful for". Assessments at the end of the study and post-study, up to 6 months, the participants were found to be less-depressed than before the study. More on that here.
I know that the gratitude practice or exercises I am doing will greatly help me in the long run to deal with depression brought about by premature surgical menopause.
Yours in Gratitude,
Kejanny